1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
