i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
