That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
