He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
