my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I licked your asshole in confidence.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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