he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
