I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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