come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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