Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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