you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
