New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
