I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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