Already got asked if we're dating
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
