Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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