They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
