Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
