You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
