I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
