i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
