youre lurking in front of me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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