I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Text me some of your sweat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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