Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
