Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
