I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize