so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
