I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
