u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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