my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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