My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
