I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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