Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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