After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
