it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
