i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
