how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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