I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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