Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
