did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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