are you so shy because you have an std?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
