Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
