I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
3pm strippers are depressing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
