and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
