a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
