i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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