Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
