Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
