True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
