If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
