on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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