i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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