Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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