i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize