I'm so fucking centered right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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