Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this will be a night to untag.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
