Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
