you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
