I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
