he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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