My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
