Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize