Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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