i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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