you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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