There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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