its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
