I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
