Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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