Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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