i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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