He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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