I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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