If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
