I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
