I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
