I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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