it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
