i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
