Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
