I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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