How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
