I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
