They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
