i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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