I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
