Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
