Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
