i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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