Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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