I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
