I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
