We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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