Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
