I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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