Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
