I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You ate ashes out of my bong
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
