your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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