Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
