The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
