just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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