We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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