just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
