that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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