I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize