Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it glows. i had to have it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
