I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am one with the molecules
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
